


Makeshift

by je_suis_le_petit_lapin



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Anal Play, Masturbation, Object Insertion, Other, why can i never think of a single goddamn thing for these tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 14:02:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4062658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/je_suis_le_petit_lapin/pseuds/je_suis_le_petit_lapin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sniper gets a bit frisky with something he really should not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Makeshift

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so disgusting why did i write this

Scout surely wouldn't notice that one Bonk! was missing.

At least, that's what Sniper was telling himself as he pilfered one out of the 12-pack that was sitting enticingly in the fridge. He had been planning this for months now, endlessly waiting for his turn to be the one to go to the grocery store just so he could pick up the box of energy drinks. As a gift, he said. For Scout.

He slipped the hand holding the drink inside his vest and quickly scurried to his room, fielding a few “Napoleon” comments along the way (including from Spy, who saluted him as a joke). Once he was safely in his room, he tossed the can onto his bed and turned the lock to his door.

As soon as he was certain that nobody would be barging in on him during his private time, he shucked his vest off and started pulling his shirt apart, doing his best to make sure that the buttons were all the way through the eyelets. He didn't want to ruin his clothes over this.

Yanking his belt off, he didn't bother with the button on his pants, choosing instead to shimmy out of them. Once the waist was past the largest part of his thighs, he shoved them down the rest of the way and stepped out of them. He slipped out of his shirt, letting it fall over his pants. He kept his underwear on until he was ready to start, though. That was a rule.

Maybe he just liked pretending he still had some dignity left.

He dropped to his knees and reached under his bed, hands groping around. When he finally found what he was looking for, he wrapped his hands around it and scooted back, sliding the box out with him. A cardboard box, the folds on top bulging outward. Sniper popped it open and started pulling things out.

First came a dildo, the length of Sniper's hand from wrist to fingertip and slightly larger around than his rifle barrel. Next he lifted out three black plugs, each one slightly larger than the last, with bulging middles and rings attached to the bases. Another, larger dildo followed, this one wider and with a more bulbous head. Finally, he pulled out a small tub of lube, about half empty and slightly stained on the sides. Taking the larger dildo, largest plug, and lubricant in his hand, he used his other hand to pull himself back up onto his bed.

He ended up sitting himself on the can of Bonk!, and fished his free hand between his legs to pull it up, laying it by his side. His other hand dropped the sex toys next to the can, and he slipped his right hand into his briefs to palm at his crotch. He slid his underwear down with his thumbs, and his cock sprung free, whacking him in the belly.

Once he got his underwear past his knees they slipped to the floor, and he was already slowly pumping away. His left hand slipped down further, middle finger circling around his hole, teasing.

He stoped his to grab the container of lube, and brought his other hand up to twist the lid off. The slightly clinical smell wafted into Sniper's nose, and he threw the lid onto the floor. Slickness enveloped his fingers as Sniper reached into the tub. His index and middle fingers crooked, he pulled them out and watched the lube drip slowly, before quickly rushing them back down between his legs, little droplets spattering his hips and stomach along the way.

Sniper barely needed to go slowly when it was just two fingers. He was already highly experienced in the art of putting things inside his ass, and two fingers may as well have been nothing to him. His fingers were already as far inside him as they would go, slowly spreading apart to stretch his hole open. Sniper gasped when one of them grazed his prostate. Twisting his hand around, his fingertips drummed against that spot again and again, causing his cock to throb.

“Oh, fuck!” Sniper exhaled, choosing to still his hands lest he come too soon, and slowly slid his fingers out of his ass. The one that was jerking himself off grabbed the plug that was sitting in the pile while he dug four fingers into the tub of lube again. He scooped up a small amount of it and rubbed it over the plug.

Satisfied that the plug was coated enough, Sniper grabbed it by the ring and led it down to his ass. He rubbed the tip of the plug around his hole a couple of times, shivering, before lining it up and slowly pushing it in to the base.

When his hole stretched around the widest part of the plug his cock jumped.

“Please, more...”

He could feel it spreading him, this piece of plastic making him fall apart. He pulled it out halfway, just enough to feel it stretching him again.

He fucked himself like that for a while, pushing the plug in as far as it would go before pulling it just enough to get that wonderful pressure against his hole.

He bucked his hips slightly into his hand, thumb teasing the head of his cock, and moaned out a string of curse words mixed with commands for the person that he was imagining was fucking him.

“Yeah, fuck me harder, c'mon, shit that's good...”

He slowed himself, didn't want to miss the main event. Roughly shoving the plug all the way in again, he reached over to his side and picked up the dildo which had rolled down by his hip. He brought it up to look at it and weighed it in his hand. It was the biggest feasible thing he could find in the sex shop, the only thing larger being a comically oversized dick, kept in the section with the cock-shaped lollipops and the panties which advertised that the wearer was 50 and “lovin' it!”.

Sniper ended up buying a few of those lollipops, though; sucked on them while fucking himself with his toys like he was a coquette and not some 40-year-old desperate whore.

Normally his dildo would be what he worked himself up to, stretching and training and mentally preparing himself to take its girth. He would scream as the head popped past the ring of muscle, brace himself against his wall with his hand (and once or twice, with his face), and push himself backward onto it. The whole base could probably hear him, begging the dildo to fuck him like he would a lover. Or an anonymous hook-up behind the bar, like he would in his youth.

Tonight, however, he decided that he wasn't going to use it. He had something thicker, something that would really wrench the screams out of him. Even though the can wasn't as long as his dildo, it was significantly more thick, and instead of veins and bumps for sensation, it was smooth and round: perfect for stretching him wider than ever before. He tossed the dildo back down to his side; he had been practicing with the thing for a while and it was finally time to take the next step.

Grabbing the can, he swirled his fingers around in the tub of lubricant absentmindedly. He pulled his fingers out and watched as the viscous liquid dripped down into the rest of the lube, before smirking and dunking the bottom of the can. A few globs squirted out from the sides of the tub, and Sniper almost laughed at the way it spluttered onto his sheets.

His other hand made its way down towards the plug, slipping his pinky into the ring and slowly started pulling the toy out of his ass. When it was halfway out and stretching his hole as wide as it could, he brought the can of Bonk! down to join it, pushing the side of its lower ridge up against the plug. The cool, slick metal against the sensitive skin of his pucker made him shiver, and when he pulled the plug from his hole it didn't have any time to relax before he was shoving four of his fingers in.

“Ah! Shit!”

There was enough lube still inside of him that his fingers slid in easily. Once he had them buried to the second knuckle, he tried to relax (as best he could with almost a full hand inside of him) and pull his hole open. If he was whimpering when the fingers slid in, he was outright keening at the wonderful pressure against his ring. He was worried about the sounds he was making slipping under his door and echoing out in the hallway, but when he lined the can up to his hole and started pushing, all his other thoughts went out the window.

Despite his looseness, it took him a few good thrusts before he could get the edge of the can to push past the ring of muscle. When it finally breached his entrance, he yanked it sideways in an attempt to get the rest of the bottom inside himself. His ass slowly stretched around the bottom of the can, and his dick twitched in direct response to the sharp sting of being so wide open. His eyes watered and his breath grew ragged, jaw dropping open.

He could feel his hole throbbing around the metal and he decided he had better push it in further before it had the chance to fall out. He applied the gentlest pressure to the top and threw his head back, seeing stars. The stars may have been due to the fact that he hit his head on the wall behind him or because he was slowly filling up but either way, he hissed.

“Yes...”

Focusing on relaxing every muscle in his body, he steadied his hand over the can and tried pressing it in again.

“Oh, fuck!”

The can was solid, with less give than his rubber dildo, and he regretting jumping straight from the plug to the energy drink, but he wasn't going to give up now. He tried pushing his hips forward and found that, when he rocked up to a squatting position, he could press his newfound toy against the bed and lower himself onto it.

“Yes, fuck me, please...”

It pushed into him further as he tried to relax himself, and he was rewarded with the feeling of his insides opening up inch by inch. Before long, two-thirds of the can had disappeared inside him and he fell backwards, letting out his breath as he bounced slightly on the mattress. He pulled his hand away from the can and relaxed.

When it didn't slip out, he squeezed himself tighter and groaned. He felt open, stretched beyond his limits. He felt absolutely used, he felt like a desperate slut, and his hand was flying over his cock as fast as it could go. His mouth couldn't even form words anymore, just needy whines, and his foreskin gliding over the ridge of his head was pushing him right up to the brink.

He tightened himself around the can once more and he was gone, spotting his belly with globs of cum. Milking the last of it out, he exhaled heavily and confronted reality.

He was laying on his bed, coated in cum with a can of Scout's energy drink in his ass.

The shame took him full force, and he stayed on his bed with his cleaner hand over his eyes. The same desperation, same wantonness that drove him over the edge just minutes ago had settled in the pit of his stomach, and without the fog of lust in his head, it just felt degrading. He had debated keeping the can in his toy box but now that guilt was part of the decision, he thought it best to just dump it in the trash.

“Wait, Scout uses the trash cans,” he thought. He was gonna have to clean it up and stick it in the fridge like nothing had happened.

Sniper groped over the side of his bed for his underwear and scraped it across his torso, taking off most of his spunk with it. He threw it back down to its spot on the floor and reached his hands between his legs to grasp at the can and pull. It slid out a lot easer than it slid in, and Sniper shuddered as the lip of the can slipped out and he tightened again. At least it was clean, save for the amount of lube on it.

His feet hit the floor and then he was grabbing his shirt off of his pants, pulling it back over his shoulders and doing the buttons. He stepped back into his pant legs and yanked the waist up, past his still-softening cock. Once it was buttoned, he stepped back over to his bed and scooped up the can before slinking out of his room and to the bathroom.

Thanking the lord that nobody saw him, he made his way to the sink and twisted on both taps, shoving the can underneath the faucet head. A strong spray hit the can, and most of the lube came off when Sniper rubbed the can. With a small lathering of soap, the rest washed off and Sniper's shoulders relaxed as he buffed it against his shirt in an attempt to get some of the moisture off. At least now he could sneak it back to the kitchen and pretend that this had never happened. And then the door creaked open.

Scout walked in and stopped as he saw Sniper rubbing one of his Bonk!'s against his half-open shirt, and Sniper slowly raised his eyes to meet Scout's.

“...hello.”

“What are you doing with that?”

At least Sniper was a calm man, and he hoped he didn't give himself away as he muttered “Spilled something in the fridge, had to wash it off.”

Scout looked as if he was about to ask another question, but then he shrugged and Sniper felt the atmosphere grow calmer. Maybe it was just him, though.

“I was actually just gonna go grab one, so...” Scout let his sentence trail off as he reached out his hand.

Sniper looked at the can in his hand, and then back to Scout. Back to the can. Back to Scout, and then he raised his arm, placing the can into Scout's hand.

“All yours, mate. Enjoy.”

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to @ello-meno-p for editing, and also for suggesting the term "pearl belt" which i did not end up using


End file.
